I am such an idiot

Since I haven't seen fake boyfriend much in the last few weeks, I thought it would be nice to do something for him. I know he's been busy and hasn't been feeling all that great. My great idea was to bring lunch out to him. So I did. And I shouldn't have.

I walked in the room and he was watching a movie that his class had been watching the period before. He hadn't finished it, so he wanted to see the end of it. I thought there were just a few minutes left, so I went with it. The movie went on and on and on. He dug in to the lunch that I had brought and didn't so much as utter a syllable to me. I left it alone. The movie finally, FINALLY ended, and so I tried to ask him about his day, his game, blah blah blah. He kinda growled about how tired he was, and he resembled my 20 month old nephew. When adults get tired, it's generally not considered polite to take it out on others. I guess he doesn't know this.

A few minutes of strange silence ensued, and I really didn't know what else to say or do. I tried to be positive and to be supportive. He acted as though he didn't even care that I was there. He announced that he had to go open the gym, and that was my cue. Lunchtime was over.

As I drove home, I felt like a giant idiot. WHY IN THE HELL do I keep doing nice things for him? I don't know if it's because I think something will change or if it's because I feel like this is the best that it's ever going to get. I got angrier and angrier, and I then I remembered- He thinks that he's doing "nice" things for me by calling me. I doubt that I ever even register on a daily basis. And that just feels crappy.

I know all of this is my own stupid fault and that I'm venting. He doesn't care about me and never will. I have never in my life met anyone so socially and emotionally inept. And believe me, that's really saying something. He is a good person with some really great qualities, but there is clearly something missing. I can't fix that, nor will I attempt to. But I believe that I have been a great friend over the years and deserve better than a growl at lunch.

I was upset when he called last night. I probably said something to piss him off, so he has ignored me today. No calls, no texts. I don't deserve to be treated this way, but here I am...venting about it on my blog. I know it's all just stupid and that I should just let it all go.

If only it was that easy.