I now know the reason behind my back pain and the reason why it's been going on for so, so long. Right? Right. While this is comforting, it still doesn't change the fact that the pain just won't go away.
I notice people doing simple things- bending over to tie shoes, lifting boxes off of the floor, running on the track.... And I wish so badly that I could do such simple, everyday tasks. These things may seem ordinary to most, but to me they're fantasies of sorts. Heck, I wish I could roll over in bed without wincing in pain. I also think about the days before my back problems began and how I took it all for granted. There are so many things I should have done! This is human nature, I realize. Don't know what you got until it's gone and yada yada yada.
Thankfully, there is a bright side to all of this. When I'm in physical pain, I'm able to focus on solely that. Other fears, pains, insecurities are set aside, and there is some relief. When in physical pain...any other kind of pain seems utterly trivial. So I have to get sort of "zen" about it and accept what is. I have to embrace the pain- my best friend and worst enemy.
Often I go to bed as soon after dinner
as seems adult
(I mean I try to wait for dark)
in order to push away
from the massive pain in sleep's
frail wicker coracle. --Jane Kenyon
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4 comments:
Thank you for the blog.
Is it selfish of me to wish my friend could get to the computer so I could read her newest blog? Yes it is.
It is the subtly of these moments, the helplessness of my humanity, the brevity of my feelings that shows me how tender and precious some things are. Life changes fast. It takes time to heal. Impressions are made in minutes. Friendships develop over lifetimes. Sounds like one big parody, but I just wish I could do my part to help someone who is need of a good friend.
Strike that brevity of feelings thing...make that the brevity of 'trusting' feelings thing.
Parody? or Cliche? I'm confused!
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