Looking forward, looking back

Since I must be a glutton for punishment, I looked up the press release detailing my ex's new job in Washington. How I even found out where he landed was a complete fluke, so I thought I would at least see how he's manuvered his resume as of late. He's gooood. Very good.

I have had a few sleepless nights of late, and my thoughts harkened back to those days in California. I have the unique ability, as I think most of us do, to mute the bad things in our lives. They are not forgotten, but they are rather softened over time. Call it one of humanity's basic survival mechanisms. The wrongs done do me during those years have NOT been forgotten, but I began to think about the small glimmers of humanity that I saw in him- He who has the humanity and heart of a piece of coal.

I remember his commencement speech at CSU- (the one I helped write!)- and how moved the crowd seemed to be. People came up to me for weeks afterward to tell me how much they LOVED that speech and how they had never heard one so moving, so captivating. Yes, he's good.

I remember the insanely fancy dinner we were invited to at Rancho Bernardo Inn- a place that I DREAM of going back to someday- and how he had the entire table of CEOs and VIPs laughing and enjoying themselves. This was a group of people that ordinarily would have never been in the same room, but yet he had everyone connected in such a way that it seemed we had all known each other for years. Yes, he's that good.

I remember the party that we hosted for Dale Chihuly- who is really a cool guy- weird, but cool- and how all of these odd ducks and rich benefactors were there. I remember the roses and the muted blue lighting and how absolutely beautiful everything looked. I remember Chihuly's sculptures and how I remembered the name of one that particularly pleased me. I reminded the ex of this and then he gushed about it to Chihuly in terms that the most savvy art major can't handle. Chihuly stayed all evening. Yes, he's that good.

He keeps getting big job after big job. He's praised and lauded by many. He's smart, though, in that he always moves on just when people are beginning to catch on to his act. He's not a total sham- He CAN deliver. It's just that his personal life always seems to get in his way. He's scary smart and probably has the highest IQ of any person I know. However, he has no soul. Some people figure that out and some people never do. Looking back, I figured it out pretty darn quickly. I was just naive enough to think that maybe I could bring it out of him somehow. If I met him for the first time today, I'd see right through his bullshit. I know that for a fact because now? Now I have a sixth sense about that sort of thing. This is why I'll never be a rich woman.

But you know what? That's ok. Souls can't be bought. I give his gig in Washington 3 years.