This is something that I've been dealing with lately, both personally and professionally. I think we as human beings go through phases in our lives when we really feel the need to matter either to someone else or to something else. Obviously, I know I matter to my kids. I matter to my family. That isn't taken for granted at all. However, sometimes there is that tug at the soul...the need to matter to another person who isn't related to me and who might need me, too. It is a difficult thing to have people in my life who matter to me a great deal- but, for whatever reason, I don't seem to "matter back." But that doesn't stop me from caring for them.
I believe that feeling like I (or anyone, really) matter can be found in the little things- a text message, an act of kindness, a touch on the arm, a shared memory. Lately, these have come from quite unexpected sources.
An example: A friend who is near and dear to me and I were exchanging emails the other morning. You know the type- little one-liners just to pass the time and to share a few bits of information. One was ended with simply "love you," which absolutely meant the galaxy to me.
I will continue to deal with this in the way that I always do- I will keep caring for the people around me, keep loving those whom I love. While the saying "you get what you give" might not be completely accurate for me, I will continue to live that way. Maybe that will be the thing that matters when it's all said and done.
how many hours will it take?
when will i feel the ice break?
when will i come in from the cold?
somewhere past the last texaco
is a feeling we know
will we ever find love in the disconnection?
mama always said if you want to keep it
love is a fire and you need to feed it
if what she says is true
i'm going back to school
'cause i need to read the book on you
if you give it away, you get it back
if you give it away, you get it back... - Jill Cunniff "Disconnection"
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